Universe Timeline

Universe Timeline

It is highly unlikely that any super intelligence of any form has any interest in humanity. Our planet is 4 billion years old, life existed before humans, and there have been 5 mass extinctions. The universe is 13.8 billion years old, there are an estimated 200 billion galaxies. Solar systems existed for billions of years before our sun was born. The “god” concept was a way for humans to explain what they did not understand.

  • Big Bang 13.8 billion years ago – that’s 13,800,000,000
  • 12.5 billion years ago: Milky Way
  • 8.8 billion years ago: Milky Way’s disc starts to form
  • 6.5 billion years ago: Milky Way starts to spin
  • 4.57 billion years ago: the Sun is born
  • 4.56 billion years ago: Proto-Earth is born
  • 4.4 billion years ago: oceans form
  • Life – somewhere between 4.2 – 3.9 billion years ago
  • 3.1 billion years ago: first land bacteria
  • 2.5 billion years ago: bacteria start producing oxygen
  • 2.1 billion years ago: 1st multicellular life
  • 450 million years ago: plants and arthropods colonize land
  • 380 million years ago: first tree-like plants
  • 231-66 million years ago: dinosaurs rule
  • 60 million years ago: 1st primates evolve
  • 6 million years ago: last common ancestor between humans and chimpanzees
  • 4 million years ago: Australopithecus evolves
  • 2.2 million years ago: first members of genus homo
  • 195,000 years ago: anatomically modern humans in Africa


So God said “let there be light” 13.8 billion years ago. And there was a heck of a light.

● At this time, according to xtian lore, he knew everything. Humans, heaven, hell, sin, etc.

Even before the Big Bang, he knew that he would create sentient, feeling humans and torture 99% of them forever, because he was never going to provide proof of his existence to them.

But – nothing to do for 9.4 billion years but watch the pretty lights blink.

Then oceans form on this little planet on the edge of a little galaxy, and that’s kind of interesting.

Single-cellular life starts there only about 300,000,000 years later! Maybe he started that?

234,000,000 years later, though, the dinosaurs were just never going to be smart. No opposable thumbs. No tools. Too many teeth. Bam. Extinction. (66 million years ago.)

Some little furry mammals survived, and there were primates only 6 million years later.

And poof – 195 thousand years ago we have anatomically modern humans!

That’s pretty fast – only 5,805,000 years!

But yeah, THIS All-Powerful, All-Knowing Judeo-Christian God variant still waits 189,000 more years, The god concept showed up at least 25,000 years ago. Humans wanted to explain where the sun went at night and why it rained. This god apparently didn’t know about the other gods. Either that or he watched them develop for 19,000 years before deciding to join in the fun. Why 6,000 years ago? Because the Fundamentalists are certain that god created the Earth at that time. The Australian Aborigines arrived in Australia over 60,000 years ago. Watching the Earth being created must have been fascinating for them.


He decided to pick a tiny nomadic Semitic tribe and be its war-god. Then he got mad at them and drowned all but 8. He set up an eternal, unbreakable covenant with them, assuring them that he would be their g*d forever if they obeyed his commandments and cut off their foreskins. He sent Abraham on a trek, got the tribe to share tall tales and eventually write them down. They set up priests who demanded offerings and gifts, as well as the ritual murder of animals as payment for human transgressions. (He was watching everybody’s actions and thoughts, making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who’s naughty and nice, and then demand smoked lamb from the naughty ones. The poor little lamb didn’t do anything.) He insisted that they massacre any tribe that didn’t worship him, rape their women, and take all of their stuff. Nice.

● The priest angle is pretty brilliant though. All a witch doctor has to do to gain power over the clan chief is convince him that he can talk to a god and make it rain. It’s a great way for a con-man to make a living.


4000 years after setting up all the rules and unbreakable, unchangeable covenants, he gets bored and decides to change things up. He somehow planted part of himself in a young woman’s uterus so she could give birth to himself so he could sacrifice himself to himself to get rid of the animal sacrifices. (There were lots of “virgin births” in the Middle East at that time. Apparently it was a thing.) There was this thing called “original sin”, committed by Eve, that apparently needed a g*d-sacrifice now, animals weren’t enough. And after he died, before he resurrected himself, he set up hell so that anyone who didn’t worship him would be tortured for the rest of eternity. Yes, that includes every sentient human from 195,000 years ago to the present who were not members of his tribe. And speaking of the tribe, remember that covenant? The Jews of Jesus’ day thought of their predicted Messiah as a divinely appointed king – one who would drive out oppressors and bring forth the world to come. They were NOT looking for a re-working of dying and rising gods like Osiris, Tammuz, and Mithras (there were hundreds of these, you know) who were popular throughout the Mediterranean at the time. So, no, the Jews did not replace YHWH with Jesus. Covenant? What covenant? Buh-bye. We’ll say you murdered my son from now on.

After sacrificing himself and rising from the dead, god-boy doesn’t use his immortality and magic powers to prove his existence to anyone important. He could have popped in on the Romans and the Egyptians and the Greeks and really sealed the deal, since he said that he wanted the entire world to worship him, (!!) but nope – he just decided to fly back home and leave proof of his existence to a bunch of fireside fairy tales.


So in the 21-century, we have millions of witch doctors still telling people what god wants. God wants money. And political power. And a brainwashed, fearful, xenophobic, anti-science, anti-education following. That hell fable is SO useful.

2000 years after god-boy supposedly made his unnecessary extortion-istic sacrifice, we have global communications, and a 7-year-old can create a video that travels around the world and is seen by billions. But this deity is still silent. Impotent, unable to communicate except through his delusional power-mad preachers. And the sheeple are afraid to ask why. Their loving god burns people alive forever if they question him, you know. (What sick _____ thought up this stuff??)

They believe because their parents believed. They believe because they are being told that they are special, they are the only ones that are RIGHT, and that they will go to Paradise after they die. And all of the WRONG people will burn. Not only does it make NO sense, but it’s tribal and psychopathic. They still want to kill anyone who doesn’t worship their sky-daddy.

If this sick monster deity ever shows up, it most definitely will not be worthy of worship.

Published by libbylawrence

Fundamentalist turned Atheist in the US Bible Belt. Sharing fun memes and musings with anyone who is interested.

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